I would be lying if I said that at no point in the last year and a half of constant pain (Believed to be Migraines, treatment is ongoing) that I had never thought about killing myself. I'm facing the very real possibility of living my entire life in pain with on occasions, becomes debilitating for an hour or so and that's a future I can't examine without asking myself if I would prefer to avoid the suffering and to just end everything.
It's a question that is on my mind as I wake up to recognize the numbness in my forehead, and it's a question I fall asleep to. Though it's a question I am unafraid of, because the answer has always been, and will remain : No.
Occasionally, often as I am about to sleep - I am struck by the heaviness of existing. The sheer insignificance that my unremarkable life has on the bigger picture. The realization that I, some day, will die. It's enough to not only make me desperately want to live but also to breathe life in to other people too.
And I sincerely hope that I won't be done for some time.
Ego Prevails.
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